Ninja Slayer Destroys Anime, Trigger’s Revenge Now Complete

TOKYO, Japan — Early last year, scientists confirmed that despite Kill La Kill‘s massive success and critical acclaim, Studio Trigger did not save anime. A year later, Trigger has enacted its vengeance on the anime industry by destroying it with its new series, Ninja Slayer From Animation.

The diabolical plan began back when Ninja Slayer was announced. The initial press releases described the show as a high octane, over-the-top action series with quality animation, a perfect fit for the creators ofInferno Cop, Kill la Kill, and, uh. Um. Wait, does Gurren Lagann count? What about FLCL? Anyway, initial trailers continued the ruse that this would be a successor to KIll la Kill‘s dynamic action through clips of traditionally animated fight scenes and characters set to an intense J-Rock soundtrack. The hype was fast approaching Kill la Kill‘s levels, and it seemed as though Trigger was once again attempting to save anime.

However, when the first episode of Ninja Slayer From Animation was aired as an eleven minute biweekly web series, the hopes of fans worldwide were quickly crushed. The series featured contrived dialogue consisting entirely of cliches and faux-badass banter, while the animation could be compared, at best, to a low-budget version of Inferno Cop with a run time that outstays the joke’s welcome. The Inferno Cop style is interrupted occasionally by still key frames, which are held for up to five seconds at a time. If all the held frames are counted together, the first episode has a higher frame-to-animation ratio than even episode 24 ofNeon Genesis Evangelion.

Rioting began in the streets of Akiba immediately following the first viewing of the series. It was only then that Studio Trigger revealed their nefarious plan: After Kill La Kill failed to save anime, Trigger resolved instead to destroy it. Unable to accept their failure, they first damaged their reputation with the release ofInou Battle, and followed it up with Ninja Slayer From Animation – their badly-written, badly-animated, and badly-planned masterstroke.

“Surely you didn’t think something this terrible happened by accident? Nobody could make something as ungodly awful as Ninja Slayer unless it was on purpose, and that’s exactly what it was!” Director Akira Amemiya, inexplicably wearing a lab coat and shiny glasses, explained to Anime Maru as he laughed madly over an all-black background. “We’re doing this for an entire year, and if we’re going to hell, we’ll drag all of you otaku down with us!” He continued laughing as our crew packed up their equipment and left Trigger’s offices. Akiba has, once again, been burned to the ground.

At press time, Ninja Slayer From Animation‘s current rating on MyAnimeList sits at 5.6, several points belowPsycho-Pass, widely regarded as the worst anime of all time.